**A quick note about this blog entry – it is a personal entry, kind of like a diary entry. I wrote it for a few reasons; a) The obvious title at the top, b) For me – I wanted to get a few things off my chest and c) For you – to provide you with a deeper insight into me (should you care to go deeper! If not, stop reading!!).
Now, a few of you who read this (and have known me for a long time) may be able to figure out exactly to whom I am referring. If so, please keep this entry in the strictest of confidence. Thank you.
-------
Around this time every year, I get a feeling that I have something to remember….and then it comes to me – it’s an old friend’s birthday November 9th. You see, 18 years ago I lost this old friend, one of my dearest, most cherished childhood buddies…but wait, don’t be sad because this friend didn’t die. On the contrary…to my knowledge he is alive and well and is the success I knew he would one day be.
I lost him through a stupid falling out.
Our friendship started way back in Grade 8 at Eastview Junior High in Red Deer, Alberta. Through a number of different other friends, I’d met – and didn’t care for – this person. I thought he was an obnoxious jerk – and he’ll freely admit he was back then. He didn’t care for me either…in fact, one day as I was walking to a class on the other side of the school (across the bike racks), we crossed paths and he punched me in the gut…playfully but also because he was an obnoxious jerk.
Then one night I was with a group of friends skating at a local arena. He was there with his buddies and we all managed to end up in a group doing the idiotic things young boys that age will do. That night we got to know each other a bit and decided ‘hey, we actually have a lot in common and CAN stand one another’. It wasn’t long after that we became ‘buds’ and were hanging out at school on a semi-regular basis.
Once we hit high school, we worked at McDonald’s together for a time and in 1986, developed a mutual fondness for the movie ‘Top Gun’. After seeing that movie, I considered becoming a fighter pilot (what young guy didn’t?) but my buddy was adamant this was going to happen for him….I certainly encouraged it for him.
We ended up going to see ‘Top Gun’ at the theatre in Red Deer for 10 straight weeks…as well as at least a few airshows in those years. I can STILL recite the lines from that movie…and when I hear ‘You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling’, the memories get so thick and vivid it is unbelievable to me….Never mind if I actually SEE the movie on TV. It’s like a car accident…I can’t turn away…and I’m sure my wife gets furious at me for reciting the lines before they are said and regaling her with tales about how – as a teenager – I loved this movie.
Until just a few years ago I still had the ‘Top Gun’ hats I had embroidered for us on his birthday way back when….just like in the movie.
Now, through those teenage years, our friendship was tested. You see, to many of the girls, my best friend was ‘the good looking one’ and I was ‘the friend’. I cannot count how many girls would tell me how much they liked him while I pined for them. As you can imagine, this would cause friction from time to time….but he was like a brother to me and I could not help what nature had given us both in the looks/personality department.
My friend was also a little more gifted in athletics and while I dreamed of playing football, he WAS playing it….and rugby…and hockey. I was 120lbs soaking wet. My buddy was a good 140. But when I finally got the nerve to try out for the high school football team, well, I did something my friend could never do – I made the team. However, my jubilation at making the team was crushed by the fact he did not. This was supposed to be something we would do together – and not just me; a number of our friends were on the team. To this day I feel that pain of him not making it…and not making it changed him. Our friendship was never the same after that – as much as we tried to say it was…Oh we still had plenty of fun…sneaking out overnight, going to parties and getting into all kinds of nuisance (legal and otherwise) but that bond was not as strong. I was experiencing something he never would – a number of us were – and I know it hurt him a lot to be in the stands and not playing with us.
It was especially tough because our football team went from laughing stock to one of the best in the province – and for me, football changed my life. I do not know if I would be where I am today were it not for the things I learned about myself and about being part of a team. My friend never got to experience that like a number of his closest friends did. I can’t imagine how tough that must have been.
Now, as we settled into our high school lives in somewhat different circles, we both found/lost our first loves, both went through personality changes and grew apart. But during our last year in high school – and beyond when I went back for an extra semester – we maintained a connection. Before I went off to University, we went up to West Edmonton Mall together – one last hurrah – and recorded ‘You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling’ at the karaoke place they had there (Studio 86 or something?). We also did MC Hammer’s ‘You can’t Touch This’ - and I still have the tape (after listening to it, my wife now constantly begs me to do MC Hammer at every karaoke night we go to at our favorite resort).
But I digress….
When I went off to University in Ontario, we wrote to one another, called each other regularly – on a land line phone if you can believe it – and made visits to each other’s homes at Christmas and New Years. I remember that first Christmas back in Red Deer after I’d left…a group of us went up to Edmonton for New Years and it was a mess, to say the least.
But it was as if I’d never been gone from my best friend. We stayed up late and talked about our lives, ribbed one another, drank and played video games…typical guy stuff. We did the same thing when he came to visit me during the summer in Thunder Bay. I got to show him MY life and the things in it – and it was awesome!
As I headed towards the end of University, I had decided on a broadcasting career and was going back to Calgary to SAIT for it. Perfect – my buddy was going to University of Calgary (for psychology) and it was decided; we would be roommates with a downtown apartment in Calgary. (Living a boy’s adventure tale…)
Then I had a serious look at what this was going to cost me. I made the tough choice to live in residence rather than get our dream place – and that was the beginning of the end. Don’t get me wrong, we got past it and he got a great place with a couple of other of our high school pals – but our friendship had taken a serious hit.
Once school started, I was volunteering one night at Shaw TV in Calgary. They were doing a fundraising auction and one of the things up for grabs were two tickets to a Flames game – versus St.Louis I believe…Ironic…and with what little money I had, I scooped up those tickets with my best pal in mind. It was a small gesture of friendship – an olive branch of sorts for letting him down….so off we went to dinner and the Flames game. And while my buddy didn’t jump the glass naked and end up rolling around on the ice, we DID raise a few eyebrows and had fun switching seats in the almost empty Saddledome. I remember the walk to the LRT after the game and the ‘I’ll call you tomorrow, we’ll get together again soon’ promises that were made.
That was the last time I saw my friend on such cordial terms.
Thanksgiving was approaching a couple weeks later and my friend invited me to Red Deer to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I was alone, this was a no-brainer and I was excited to go. Then my phone rang….some of my University friends from Thunder Bay had the same thing in mind – they didn’t want me alone for Thanksgiving so they were driving out to spend it with me.
What do I do? Tell them not to come? Perhaps I should have, in hindsight…But I didn’t. Instead, I phoned my friend believing (and hoping) in my heart that he would understand and perhaps even stay and have dinner with us.
Nope.
That was the last straw. I had broken his trust for the last time. We were finished.
I had Thanksgiving with my Thunder Bay friends and don’t regret it to this day.
A couple of weeks later – on this very day – I called my friend and wished him a happy birthday. It was the shortest phone call in our decade-plus friendship.
I won’t say I was crushed, but I was certainly hurt – and I was mad. ‘I sure as hell don’t need friends like that!’ I decided.
Now let me state again, I would not change anything I did. But I have mourned the loss of this friendship ever since.
Early in my broadcasting career, I wrote to my friend, sent him Christmas cards and even a long letter of apology. I have never heard from him. I have dreamed about old times, daydreamed of reconciliation and hoped that at some point we could just talk it out.
It’s just not in the cards I guess.
At some of the highest points of my broadcasting career – interviewing David Beckham, standing on the pitch at the Bernebeu in Madrid, reporting from the MLS Cup in Seattle – I have always thought how much fun my friend would be having were he there, were he a part of my life, how proud he’d be and how we’d laugh at all the nonsense this career brings from time to time…
The loss of this friendship has affected other friendships I have had down the years. I have never had another close friend, not like that – at least not other than my brother and my wife. Perhaps some things just do stick with you….I’ve always kept my distance, been fearful of getting hurt – and I know I’ve likely missed out on some truly great people. I’ve moved around a lot in my career and that hasn’t helped but I admire my old friends from high school who have known each other and been fixtures in each other’s lives for decades. That is so very special. I often wonder what my life would be had I stayed and built my life in 'the 'Deer'.
I went to my 20th reunion a few years back and I honestly felt like a stranger at a party where everyone knew each other….It was so weird. Most of the people there didn’t even attend the Saturday night dinner function because they see each other all the time – it wasn’t a priority for them! There were class-only drinks on Friday so my wife never did get to meet most of the people whom I grew up with – including my former best friend who didn’t come.
I think they would have been fast friends instantly.
Now, the advent of Facebook did allow my friend and I to reconnect briefly for a time – but we are no longer friends on there, and that’s ok.…Though I will admit I do check out his profile from time to time, just to make sure he is still around and doing well.
He is.
And November 9th - is his 41st birthday.
I would like to say this to him:
I hope you are well.
I hope your life is exactly as you hoped it would be.
I hope you take time to look back and reflect on all you’ve accomplished and all the lives you have touched – and there are many I am sure.
I hope you see the best parts of yourself in your son – and some of the mischief.
I hope you know that despite the fact we are no longer in each other’s lives, I think of you often and fondly remember the good times we had as kids and as young men ready to conquer the world – and that I miss your friendship every day.
I hope you know that I am proud of you and that I do still hope our paths cross again someday.
Most of all I wish you good health, happiness and continued success in your life.
Happy birthday my dear old friend.
No comments:
Post a Comment